Friday, June 26, 2015

Invisible

She wished to
Disappear
The frame
The flesh
The bone
The hair
The intense black eyes
Gone

Hideous, she thought
Five, bullies pelting with words
"Dark"
"Babe the pig”

Pain, more pain
Flat when thin
Dented when fat
Feet too big
Hands too wrinkled
Forehead furrowed

Centuries of anger
Aching in the body
Inner voice screaming
Dark, babe the pig

The body is beaten
Reflecting memories
Dark and heavy
Societies that are colonized
Mothers that are tamed
Have children that are too

Movies - II

Showing the path they know not
Paving who we should be
Without knowing themselves
Blind leading the blind

Unreal pain and unreal pleasure
Sex, intimate or shameful
Hope that defies all odds
Violence, horror, blood
Relationship with control

And we accept it all
I did not realize
How much power
A single click has

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Movies - I

Have you wondered how when
A movie ends
You walk out in a daze
From the cinema
Half in this world
And half in that
Consciousness takes the shape
Of what you are with


Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The Aha moment

Patterns of life are predictable
Pause and see

Life gets fast
Filled to the brim
With work, friends, travel and late nights
With all else perfect
Feeling disconnected
Looking for love

Life gets slow
Long hours on the net, movies
Mortified, when sharks don't swim they die
Tasting isolation and mortality
Feeling disconnected
Looking for love



What would be a medium paced existence
Long walks and meditations
More reading and writing
More yoga and exercise
Travel

The distinguishing factor isn’t the pace though
Nor the activities that fill that space
But the space within that breeds it all
The state inside needs to calm
Rhythms of life - hyper and collapsed, fast and slow
Are predictable sides of the same coin

What would life be
When the yearning to run vanishes 
Life does not end when we slow down inside
This breath, a miracle of nature sustains us
We do not have to work harder
To prove our worth to mother nature
To God to earn our next breath
When the inside becomes centered and quiet
Rested with clarity
Truth bursts forth


The Buddha speaks

The disciples of Buddha gathered around him
Starry eyed
Clamoring to hear his every word
"Buddha has seen.
He knows something we do not."

Sit in silence
Buddha said
See that you are God
And with that he shut his eyes

Disciples closed their eyes
And saw
I hurt inside
I am an evil beast that screams and wails
The memory of abuse
She lay on her belly quietly taking it
And got up wounded in the morning
I am drugged on power
I take away people's self-respect
Wound their faith in themselves
I meditate to cool my insides
When I close my eyes
I hear the shrieking pain
I am so angry
Of uncertainty and anguish
The more I sit in silence the more I am angry
At you
The spiritual journey is a twisted labyrinth

Buddha said
Notice the harshness in your words
The panic in your sentence
Look at how your spew spit
Feverish to get your answers

Just see your attachment with the past
Calmly see nature is fluid
You are fluid
The person you hurt once
No longer hurts
The person you were once
You no longer are
It no longer is
You are not drugged on power
You are no evil beast
You are not angry
Just close your eyes my dears
You are nothing


Loneliness

Have you ever
Been in a dense forest by the sea
The waves talk to you
Trees murmur secrets of past lives

How can you be lonely, they say
We are the same
The lone warrior is a myth
An archetype that no longer serves

You box yourself in buildings
And move around in bubbles
All the while wrapped in a sheath of
Panic of being exposed

You live like the dead, disconnected
When life itself is about
Being in connection

With the world

Monday, June 22, 2015

What makes love stories beautiful?

Me: A spiritual master once said that the goal of life may be samadhi, but the goal itself seems meaningless in the face of ... love. We may tire of proving our love, or being expected to express it, but loving... that does not tire us. To search for love is human. In the Koran, they say that God created us in pairs. What would life be when we meet the other half? But something weird is happening… I have been making vision boards for a few years now. They pretty much always have certain parts to them: exercising, eating healthy, falling in love, being true, writing, succeeding. The year’s vision board is the same, but while the pictures of driving fast on the road, packed suitcases, white rooms with floating white curtains and light blue windows overlooking the sea, a brown woman radiating a confident strong femininity, exercise all resonate, the picture with a man in a suit not so much. God knows that my dream is to find a man who validates my idealism. 

She: I have known you for long. Much of your life has been spent longing for or celebrating love. And yet, you know happiness does not come from things or people. It is a state of mind. Why is it that the desire for an emotional companionship is becoming a precursor to a happy life? I think it may start from the fact that you feel time is running out - everyone around you is doing it, people younger than you are doing it… people younger than you have children already! Are you worried that you are losing at this game? Is it something like being in a queue for a ride at the amusement park? Each time two people sit in the roller coaster there is longing and anxiety. “They are so lucky. Will it ever be my turn?”

Me: Yes, but there is a simple truth: love is bliss. There are some experiences that only deep love can give. I have been in love before, and there is something beautiful about being able to be intimate and be best friends at the same time, to be individually empowered and connected at the same time. There is something to be said about wanting to be cared for and to feel that someone else watches out for my well-being, while taking care of him and watching out for his wellbeing, to be able to sit and talk to someone about happy things and not-so-happy things and listen to each other's different perspectives, to feel grateful for someone every day and love them more every day. 

She: Yeah. Disney stuff. You were socialized in capitalism and patriarchy which have sold these dreams to you. And you have invested time in waiting for them to come true, quietly perpetuating hetero-normative romantic love. You know they say that oppressed are frightened of freedom.

Me: Longing for love is natural, and longing brings up pain. The mind does what it can to avert it. It tells us stories that feel real, and they are except they are not natural and true for us. Thats what this sounds like to me. Yes, I have been socialized in patriarchy, but how is that linked to wanting an equal companionship? Let me give you an example - a few days ago, I was sitting with a female friend – Pakistani by birth, independent, well-educated, global, very accomplished. It was ironic because on the one hand she was telling me how love does not need to be a certain way: how women can live together, how open relationships are fine, how we do not need to be married… and on the other obsessing over a man who was obviously a player. She is looking to be with someone. 

She: She can not go to a man and tell her she is obsessing over him! Thats the end of that. Look around you and how humans are in relationships. Your longing is na├»ve. There is no man out there who loves till eternity. 

Me: Yes, we are taught as women to be stand-offish, to not laugh or smile much, to not show that we are open and available to receive, to show dispassion… perhaps even in a fake fashion. When someone does that to us, we feel sad and neglected. The point is to be natural… and to “hide dispassion in your heart like the roots of a tree and express love like a ripe fruit.”

She: Yeah, good luck with that. We live in this world, and it has certain rules. It has power hierarchies, bad people, selfish people, pain and betrayal. Keep dreaming. 

Me: *smiles*